Beckett turns 5.

Beckett,
you are now 5 years old. as i type this i know i will be looking back at this (crying i'm sure) and think, "and i thought you were so old,"  but i do.  time needs to stand still and you need to stay my little man forever.  i know that won't happen. i only hope and pray that when the time comes for you to spread your wings, that you know you can do anything you set your mind to. you have the world at your fingertips and are capable of anything. i will always be beside you and support you.  although this world is troubled, i hope you know that you can always find beauty and light.  it's all around you. i hope you always treat others the way you want to be treated and most of all,  LOVE.  it conquers all.  

tonight, you and wren were dancing with each other and you were calling her "honey" and saying that you guys were getting married and that you guys had a baby.  you sure do love your sister.  i had tears in my eyes watching you two together.  you are so carefree and fun. you love to dance.

the other night you asked me why i was allergic to cats. i said, "i don't know. i guess my body just doesn't agree with the dander." you said, "well, why am i not allergic?" and i said, "consider yourself lucky to not have allergies." and you said, "you know that youre lucky mom? youre lucky because you have two kids." my heart melted. i am lucky beckett. i am more than lucky.

so,  i'm thinking about how far we have come from the day i found out i was pregnant with you.  i was so scared. i thought that it couldn't have been any worse timing for me. it was such a strange dynamic and roller coaster of emotions.  having a baby was all i ever wanted but never thought it would happen the way it did.  the last 5 years have proved to me that i am not in control of my life, nor yours, or anybody elses. God had a plan for me and you. you are truly a gift from him that i wasn't sure i was ready to take on but there isn't a day that i don't thank God for knowing what was best for me.  You have changed my life in ways that i couldn't even tell you and ways that i never knew were possible. Always remember that i love you to the moon and back and will always be here for you. i'm so proud of everything that you have accomplished.  Thank you for making me laugh everyday and making my life so much more full.  there is something special about you.

things that you love to do:
going to the library to "go to work" on the computers
riding your bike at the bike park
skate boarding
climbing
going to the park
hanging out in your new room
you are infatuated with star wars legos (you can take them apart and put them back together) before your birthday party, you and papa spent hours at the table putting together 2 different ones
you love to dress up and role play
you love the ninja turtles
you can add small numbers
you can write your name
you love to help build things or use tools (hammering nails)


things i will never forget:
your first crash at the bike park
how you mimic and pretend like you are reciting movies without saying any words but just moving your mouth
you started going to sleep again on your own
when you were helping meme and papa build a garden, you said, "now this is a farm"
you make friends with everyone